I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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