I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
