his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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