In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
