The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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