Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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