I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he thought i was a dude.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
