we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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