what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
