Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
