If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
