did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
