oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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