Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
