my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
