There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I DEMAND FORESKIN
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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