No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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