she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
