kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
