Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
