You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
