She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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