Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
