u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You can't just leave with hair like that
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
