Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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