i was rollin on her like bob the builder
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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