so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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