Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
