I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
