Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
