Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
