Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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