so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
