Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
