the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
