I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
