i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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