BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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