batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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