I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
