He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
birth control should be required to get into college
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
