She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
