I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
