he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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