theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
