help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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