to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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