grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
