i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
