The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
