office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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