i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
