i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
