your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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