Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He passed out mid-signature
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
