If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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