Girls should come with a carfax report
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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