Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
