this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
