just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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