I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
