how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
