May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
