Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
