my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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